By Neal Wooten
Christmas was always a magical time of year when I was a kid. There were certain things I could always be sure of. I knew we would have a real Christmas tree. I knew Mom and Dad would drive us around to look at Christmas lights. I knew Mom would cook enough food to feed a small army. And I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep on Christmas Eve.
But there were a lot of things that puzzled me as a kid, things I still don’t understand today. For example, was the Grinch the same species as the citizens of Whoville? Had he lived there at one time? Did he go into town for groceries or to go to the Post Office? And if your heart grows three sizes in one second, isn’t that a serious culinary issue?
Was there a nuclear power plant near where Rudolph was born, or perhaps a toxic waste dump? What else could explain that eerie glow? How is it that Santa Claus didn’t know about the island of misfit toys? My parents knew about it; they just called it the thrift store.
If Frosty the Snowman had been a real jerk, would we still be upset that the magician wanted to take the hat from him? Would they still have made the movie? I’m sure that as soon as I put a magic hat on my snowman, he’d probably poke me in the head with his carrot.
I could never understand how people could always be on Ralphie’s side? It turns out that everyone else in the movie, the people we all thought were jerks, were in fact right. Had it not been for his glasses, he would indeed have shot his eye out. Then we all could have said, “Oh fudge.”
Why does mistletoe only work with good-looking people? I have stood under the mistletoe for hours and just my Grandma kissed me, and only after she took a dip of snuff. And why does Grandma walk home every Christmas Eve from her grandkids’ house right past the reindeer crossing sign? How hard would it be to simply ask someone to give you a lift?
But I really do love this time of year, and I love that Fort Payne goes all out for Christmas. I love that they play free Christmas movies and I love that they let the fountain in the park ice over. I love the star on the mountain and the decorations, even those creepy seven-feet-tall green reindeer in the middle of town.
I might not have come up with many answers over the years, but I get the gist of it. Merry Christmas, everyone.
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