Hey Y’all! Well tuther day I’z drivin my ole jalopy down hiway 35, jest a gettin it down ta the Walmart fer wun uv them thare specialz I heered about, and all uv a sudden thay’z a feller whut jest slamed on his brakes ret in frunt uv me. I plowed inta him lack a tick on a dog’z back. Well, when the feller got out uv hiz car and started stauggin back thare ta see whut kind uv damige thay wuz, yu cudda knoct me over with a feather when I luked up and seed he’z a dwarf. Why he cudn’t a been no more than 4 fut 2 ifn he’z on his tiptoes. I near bout started chucklin when the vary furst thang he sayd ta me wuz, “I’m not happy.” It didn’t help hiz mood nary a bit when I sayd, “Yu shore aint! Ye luk more lack Grumpy ta me. Wuz yu a takin Dopey down ta see Doc?” Ye see, I wudn’t nun tu happy bout then ether. Well, Ole Grumpy didn’t get nary a bit more lack hiz frend Happy when the sharif comed on the seen and ruled the hole thang hiz falt. I don’t thank thay’z wun uv Snow White’z dwarfs whut wuz named madder than a ole wet hin, but ifn thay wuz, that wuda been the wun I rear ended tuther day. Earl wudn’t nun tu happy bout that thang neether, but he calmed ret on down when I tolt him the story and that it wudn’t my falt. I’m drivin a loner car whilst mine iz gettin re-peared. That’z a ad-venture in itself.
Dear Margie,
I was shopping recently and I witnessed someone shoplifting some items at the store. I watched her for a few minutes as she gathered up several other items and one by one slipped them inside the jacket she was wearing. Then I went looking for someone who worked in the store to report it, but by the time I found someone the lady had disappeared and I couldn’t find her again. What would you have done?
Honey Child, I thank yu dun the zackly rite thang an it wudn’t yer falt that she’z slipperty a nuff ta get outta thare whilst the gettin wuz good. Thay’z folkz in this here werld whut I rekin ain’t had no better raisin than that, cuz thay’z shore a hole passel uv it whut goz on. Me and Ole Earl wuz sittin in a restrunt tuther day jest a mindin air on bizness and this here feller come in and set down jest acrost the ile frum us. He sayd ta the waytress, “Give me sumpthin ta drank afore the problemz start.” So, ret kwik lack she went and got him hiz order and come a runnin back with it. We cud tell she wuz a little bit worried bout whut problemz he’z a talkin bout. Well the feller guzzled that glass uv tea down jest lickety split and he calt fer the waytress agen. He sayd, “Get me a nuther glass afore the problemz start.” Well that gal wuz reely gettin worried, so she rushed back inta the kitchen and come a hurryin back out with hiz second glass. That went on fer a whule and after the fourth er fifth time the manager finely come back out with the waytress. He sayd, “Sir, when er yu a gonna pay fer all this here tea yer a drankin down az fast az yer waytress kan brang em out here tu ye?” Me an Ole Earl purdy neer lost it when the feller sayd, “Now the problemz start.”
Dear Margie,
My husband and I just recently celebrated our 40th Wedding Anniversary. There have been some ups and downs along the way, but we worked through out our differences and we’ve loved each other all these years. But my daughter and her husband are a different story. They’ve only been married for two years and they fuss and fight all the time. She’s spent almost as many nights back home with us as she has with her husband. What should we do?
Sugar Britches, it’z reel hard ta see yer younguns goin thru ruff patches in thair hitchin but the best thang fer ye ta do iz jest stay out uv it. I will tell ye this tho, bout the time we got hitched, Earl had a frend named Eustice Montgomery. When him an Hattie Jane got hitched up Eustice wudn’t no a count fer nutin. Why when he’d leve work on Fridee, stead uv goin home he’d stay out all nite partyin with his buds and spendin hiz paycheck. Well, this wun week he stayed out the hole weekend an when he finley come draggin in on Sundee nite he wuz greeted at the door by Hattie Jane. Let me tell ye she gived him the tung lashin he deserved. She yelled and hollered at him fer at least tu airs. Then when she finely stopped naggin at him she sayd, “How wud yu lack it ifn yu didn’t see me fer tu er three dayz?” Well, ole Eustice never wuz acused uv hafin a hole bunch uv smartz and he proved that theory ta the max when he sayd, “That’d be fine with me.” Well, Monday went by and he didn’t see Hattie Jane. Tuesday went by and he didn’t see Hattie Jane. Wednesday went by and he still didn’t see Hattie Jane. But on Thursday morning the swellin had went down jest a nuff that he cud see her outta the corner uv hiz eye. I’ll jest say thay wudn’t not more layin out all weekend fer Eustice.
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!