Hey Y’all! Well, it shore iz a nice day fer goin on a trip, an I shore wish I’z goin on wun lack all them thare high skool seenyors have been. It’z been quite a spell cents I’ve ben on a trip an I’m a thankin it’z bout time fer wun. I spect ye alreedy figered that good ole Earl didn’t agre. All he cud thank bout wuz all them thare seenyors bein everwhare and all the drankin and partyin whut’z goin on. He sugjested that we wate a few weaks til all that thare stuff setulz down a bit, afore we start thankin bout takin a trip. Well, I’d done alreedy went ahead on an started thankin bout it afore I even menshuned it ta Earl, but he jest didn’t thank along them lines. Coarse he’z rite, but I shore did hate ta hafta tell he that he wuz. Earl triz ta have a party ever time he’z rite bout sumpthin. I spect it’z cuz it hapenz sa few and far bawteen. Na, I’z jest a joshin. He’z rite purdy offn, I jest kan’t tell him that tu much. It mite make hiz head swell up er sumpthin. Enyhow, I’m lukin forwerd ta gettin a way fer a spell, whenever it hapenz that we get ta do that.
Dear Margie,
The Memorial Day holiday that has just passed set me to thinking about veterans and all the sacrifices they’ve made to insure our freedoms here in America. My grandfather was a veteran and my family went to the military cemetery where he’s buried to place a wreath of flowers on his grave. Many other families had done the same thing. Do you have a family member that you honored on Memorial Day?
Sugar Britches, I shore preciate ye axin, and ye better kno I du. The Eddlesworth family (that’z my maden name) iz a clan whut reely goez in fer servin thair cuntry. My grate grate grandpappy Eddlesworth served in the Civil War, coarse thay say he called it the “the war batwixt the states” til the day he died. I never did get a chance ta kno him. He’z dead afore I come along. My grate grandpappy Eddlesworth served in the WWI. I seed him a few times afore he died, that’z cuz he lived ta be a reel old geezer; died at 95 still jest az sharp az a tack. Then my grandpappy Eddlesworth served in WWII an my dear ole Pappy served in the Vietnom War. Me an Earl an the younguns got tagather and had a cukout and remimbred all uv them whilst we’z a eatin.
But that put me ta thankin bout my cuzin. Way back yunder a spell, ole Billy Bubba Breeman, my furst cuzin onst removed and Earl’z best buddy when thay’z younguns, joined up with the Marines. He sayd he felt lack it wuz hiz duty ta anser hiz nation’z call ta service. On the furst day uv boot camp thay gived Billy Bubba a toof bresh. It wuz prolly the furst wun he ever had whut he didn’t hafta share with hiz ten brotherz and sisterz. I’m tellin ye ret now, ole Billy Bubba wuz proud uv that thare toof bresh, but that vary evenin a Navy dentist yanked out a passel uv hiz teef. Well, on the next day, thay gived ole Billy Bubba a comb. Thare agen, it wuz prolly the furst wun he’d ever had whut he didn’t hafta share. Then that vary evenin a Navy barber shaved hiz head. Long bout then Ole Billy Bubba wuz rethankin hiz decizun ta anser hiz nation’z call ta service cuz, he shore wuz proud uv his long wavy hare. It wuz ten yar’z groth. He hadn’t been ta a barbershop nary a day in hiz life. Onst a yar hiz mammy wud jest line the younguns up and the sizzers wud need sharped twice afore she’d get dun. So Billy Bubba got ta whare he’d slip away and hide on hare cuttin day. By the time hiz mammy realized Billy Bubba’z didn’t get cut she’d be sa tard she’d say, “It’ll wate til next yar.” Well, on the thurd day uv boot camp Billy Bubba was gived a jock strap…Billy Bubba Breeman iz still at the top uv the Marines a-wall list ta this vary day.
Dear Margie,
I recently had to take my son’s dog Jake to the vet’s office for some stitches after he’d been in a fight with another dog. I wouldn’t have been surprised to receive a $600 bill if it was my son or me that had to have stitches, but I couldn’t believe how expensive it was for Jake to get three little stitches. Do you ever have that expensive a vet bill with your dog Cooter?
Sweetie Pie, it’z been my sperience that it don’t make no never mind whut ye have dun er whare ye have it dun, in the way uv medical stuff, it’z a gonna cost ye a arm and a leg. Ye jest gotta deside ifn the work ye’re a havin dun iz worth the cost uv havin it dun. Last time I’z in the vet’z office with my sweet little Cooter, this here Jasper run in carryin hiz dog and screemin at the top uv hiz lungs fer help. Well, Doc Beaufort Burdette come a hurryin out thare ta see whut in the devil wuz rong. He got the feller back ta a room so’s he cud see whut wuz the matter, but in the rush thay left the door open. Everbudy in the waitin room wuz privy ta the hole show. Doc Burdette luked the situashun over and after a cuple uv minitz he sayd, “I’m sory, but yer dog iz dead.” Well, that thare feller wudn’t havin nun uv it and he demanded a second opinion. So, Doc Burdette went inta a back room and come back with a cat. He put the cad down nest ta the dog and it sniffed, walked frum it’z head ta it’z talk, poked, an sniffed sum more, an finely luked up at Doc Burdette and meowed. Well, Doc Burdette looked at the dude and sayd, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks yer dog’z dead, tu.” That feller still wudn’t willin ta akcept that hiz dog wuz dead, so Doc Burdette brung in a black Labrador retreever. The lab sniffed the dead dog’z body, walked frum it’z head ta it’z tail, an finely luked at Doc Burdette an barked. Well, Doc Burdette luked at the feller an sayd, “I’m sorry, but the lab thanks your dog iz dead tu.” After all that the poor dum feller finely desided ta akcept that hiz dog wuz reeley dead and he axed Doc Burdette how much he owed him. Doc Burdette sayd, “Six hunerd and fitee dolers.” The feller got a mite agitated and sayd, “Six hunerd and fitee dolers jest ta tell me my dog’z dead?” I cudn’t help but chuckle when Doc Burdette calmly sayd, “Well, I wud’ve jest charged ye fitee dolers fer my diagnosis, but the extree six hunerd iz fer the cat scan and lab tests.”
Well, I spect I better skedaddle fer now. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!