Hey Y’all! Well, we finely got the cooler wether we’ve been a waitin fer, and I kan’t say a nuff bout how good it feelz ta step outside the dublewide in the mornin and feel that nice fall nip in the air.
Me and ole Earl wuz at meetin this pass weekend and we’z sittin way back in the crowd and I jest tuk ta lukin at all the heads uv the women whut wuz sittin in frunt uv us and I jest gotta say I cudn’t baleve whut I’z a seein. Now galz I kno how important it iz ta be lukin fine, an I jest gotta tell ye thay ain’t nary a mira whut I pass without takin a gander in it jest ta make shore I’m still lookin az fine az I did the lass time I peered at myself. Which I gotta say wuz reel good, but now thay’z sumpthin more ye gotta thank on a spell. Ye kan fix up ye face and everthang whut ye see in that thare mira all ye want tu, but afore ye walk away feelin fit as a fiddle and reedy ta face the world with a smile, ye need ta spend a little time on the back uv ye head tu. Jest ta be blunt, that thare har whut’z on the back uv yer head needs ta be brashed onst in a whule. Ifn ye don’t care whut it luks lack fer ye on self, then have pitty on us poor stiffs whut’z sittin hind ye at Sundee meetin and hafin ta luk at ye. Why thay’z sa meny skalpz a shinin that I thot I’z at wun uv them thare har club fer men meetins. Them thare galz lacks ta say only thair har dresser knoz whut’z thair natural color, but let me tell ye when ye skalp’z a shinin the rest uv us getz a purdy good notion bout that thang.
Dear Margie,
My mother-in-law has been in really bad health lately and her doctor said that she is at the point there she needs constant care. My husband and I both work and so do my husband’s siblings. So, the doctor suggested we consider putting her in the nursing home or an assisted living facility. Since we put her in the nursing home, she’s getting very good care, but she has had several items stolen. The administrator says he’ll check into it, but nothing has been done yet. What do you suggest we do?
Sugar Britches, I sore do hate ta heer uv yer trubles with ye Mammy-in-law. I kno it’z a reel hard thang ta see ye luved wunz gettin old and rickety. An az fer sum jasper steelin her stuff, I jest thank that’z awful. Enybudy whut wud steel frum a hepless old lady jest ain’t no count fer nuthin. This here’z my thankin on the matter. I thank we orta put the seniors in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. Now I kno whut yu’re a thankin, but ifn yu’ll jest ponder on it fer a spell I thank yu’ll agre, cuz in a crazy sorta way it makes a lotta cents. In jail the old folks wud have access tu a share ever day, whutever hobees thay lack ta du, and thay’d even get ta take walks. Thay’d get unlimited free prescripshuns, dental werk, and medical treatment, free wheel chairs an stuff lack at, an they’d get gived money stead uv hafin ta dish it out. Thay’d have constant video monitorin, so’s thay cud be helped instantly ifn thay’s ta fall, er needed sum help frum sumbudy. Thair beddin wud be warshed twict a week an all thair clothes wud be arned and brung ret back tu em. A guard wud check on em ever 20 minets and brang thair meals and snacks ret tu thair cell. Thay cud have family visits in a big ole room whut wuz built fer jest that vary purpose. Thay’d have access tu a libary, a wait room, spiritual counselin, a swimmin pool, an all the education thay cud muster up. Simple clothin, shoes, slippers, P.J.’s, an even legal aid wud be free an on demand. Thay’d have a private, secure room, an thay cud exercise outside in a butaful garden. Ever senior cud have thair own computer, TV, radio, and daily phone calls. Thare wud be a board uv di-rectors whut hear thair complaints an axualy du sumpthin a bout it, an the guards wud have a code uv conduct whut wud be strictly nforced. Since thay’d be older folks, fewer guards wud be requared an that wud save the taxpayers millions uv dolars ever yar.
Then, we orta put the “criminals” in the nursin homes and thay’d get tied down tu thair bed er wheel chair, cold food, be left all by thayself, and unsupervised. Thay’d get lights off at 8pm, an a share onst a week. Thay’d live in a teeny tiny room, whut thay’d hafta share with a roommate whuther thay lacked em er not, and thay’d hafta pay $5000.00 a month fer the privilege. Thay’d hafta provide thair own clothes, medical care, hobees, legal aid, an have no hope of ever gettin out.
Dear Margie,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy efficient kind. But this week, I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year and I had yet to pay for them. Boy, oh boy, did we go around! Just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year. He said that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up, and he hasn’t called back. Guess he was embarrassed.
Well, thare ye have it, yu go girl. Maybe he checked intu it an fount that them thare winders had already paid the bill after all.
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!