By Neal Wooten
I recently completed a CPR class at the Rosalie Fire Department. The only other time I have ever taken CPR was when I was a junior in high school back in 1981, and things have really changed since then.
Of course the new dummies are more technologically advanced. The one back in high school was a female named “Annie.” After shaking her shoulders and saying, “Annie, Annie, are you okay?” and not finding a pulse, you began chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth.
It’s not just the technology. The thing that has really changed is no one performs mouth-to-mouth anymore. Certified CPR administers now carry a mask around with them to place over the patient’s face, or a plastic guard with an insert.
It’s like when a nurse takes your blood at the doctor’s office or hospital these days. They take every precaution to make sure they don’t come in contact with your blood. Before long they’ll probably begin wearing full HazMat suits like the ones you see in movies about contamination or viral outbreaks.
When I think about it, I realize what a sad state of affairs civilization has come to when the very people saving our lives have to take such drastic measures to protect their own. Seriously, you just never know what someone has in their blood these days.
Also, they now have portable AED (Automated External Defibrillator) units you learn to use as well. They provide a shock to restart the heart just like doctors use in the ER, and they’re just as powerful and just as scary.
After being shocked so many times from the electric fence on our pig farm when I was a kid, I have grown to hate and fear electricity. Even those little devices to massage your muscles are too much for me, so I really wouldn’t want to experience this. If you find me unresponsive, just whisper that you’re going to shock me and I’ll probably sit up and turn the machine off.
But I take my hat off to all the professionals who choose to go into this line of work. It takes a certain kind of person to work a job where they know they may one day be the difference in a person living or dying. Thank God for all of you.
I just want all of them to know they’re safe with me. You can’t have STDs when you never have the S part. As far as my blood goes, I have never taken illegal drugs in my life, and barely taken legal ones. About the worst thing you’re going to find in my blood is whatever is left over from eating potted meat and pork rinds.