By Margie Mountain
Hey Y’all! Ret offn the bat, I wanna send a big ole Margie Mountain shout out ta Mr. Roger Killian. Thanks fer yer imput good buddy. Reel reglar I get nice letters frum sum uv my loyal reeders axin fer ad-vice bout wun thang er tuther, an let me jest take a minet ta say thank ye, thank ye, thank ye. Gollay, I shore du preshate it. After all, that’z whut keepz my colum a goin. I also want ta thank everbudy out thare whut haz sayd sa meny timez that my colum iz the furst thang thay reed in the newspaper ever week. It makes me feel reel gooder thn snuff, to kno I kan briten yer day jest a little with all uv my carryin on. But, ifn I’m a gonna be unest, an the Big Guy Upstairs requares that I be unest, I gotta say thay iz a few folks whut reeds my colum and sends me letters whut ain’t axin a questun atal. I get sum whut sayz how thay lack my colum and how thay luk forward tu it ever week, but I du get a few whut claim thay don’t lack my style, er thay don’t lack whut I’ve got ta say, er maybe thay don’t lack the way I say whut I’ve got ta say, an that’z okie dokie, tu. It takes all sorts uv folks ta make the world go round. My colum ain’t ntended ta be a reel serus peace uv journalism, cuz the world iz full uv reel serus stuff whut we’ve all gotta deal with ever day. It’z jest sposed ta be bout the crazy antics uv a good ole gal frum way back in the sticks, whut shares a little laff and a little ad-vice, good er bad, with folks frum round the county. An with that in mind let me jest say ifn ye lack my colum I’m proud ye du. An ifn ye don’t that’z fine, I spect it ain’t fer everbudy. It prolly ain’t a gonna change me nun, lots uv folks haz tried over the yars, but I jest iz whut I iz. So ifn ye lack my colum keep on comin back ta reed it, an ifn ye don’t jest stop reedin it. It ain’t no skin offn my nose.
Dear Margie,
My daughter started kindergarten this year and she comes home every day telling things some of her classmates have said. I’m continually amazed at the things some children of that age know. How do you teach a young child to be kind and friendly, but to choose her friends wisely?
Well Sugar Britches, I kno zackly whut ye mean. When my Elmer wuz jest a youngun and started kindagarden he did the same thang. Why sometimes he’d say stuff whut wud make my eyes pop out and my mouf fly open. But it’z been my sperience that, lack it er don’t, thay ain’t a hole lot ye do bout the frends yer youngun hangs out with at skool. It’z reel hard ta jest sit back and let em lern fer thayself, but that’z whut ye gotta do. Ye jest gotta teech em at home whut yu thank iz rite and rong and depend on the Big Guy Upstairs ta help em member whut yer a teechin em, even when yu ain’t no whare in site. Yu kan bet yer bottom dollar it won’t be tu long afore yer youngun iz gonna get tard uv gettin in truble fer thangs sumbudy else iz doin and she’ll find a nuther frend ta play with. That reminds me uv sumpthin my Dear Ole Pappy used ta say: Yu kan pick yer frends an yu can pick yer nose, but ye kan’t pick yer frend’z nose. Ye need to be shore that’z wun uv the thangs ye teech yer youngun at home.
A nuther thang I member frum when Elmer started skool wuz jest how litaral younguns take whut ye say tu em. Elmer come home wun day with a note frum the princeabal whut sayd, I needed ta come ta the skool the next day ta discuss Elmer’z manners in class. It sayd that Elmer had been callin his teecher names whut wuz not zackly apropreat. So, I axed him bout whut happen at skool that day an whut wud cause the princeabal ta send home eny sech note. Coarse, he claimed he didn’t kno an I spect he prolly didn’t. He’z jest five. Enyhow, when I got thare the princeabal sayd, “Elmer’z teecher sayd ta the class yesterdee mornin, ‘Ifn yu thank ye’re stupid, please stand up.’ an nobody stood up.” Which I thot wuz a good thang. Enyhow, then he sayd, “Then the teecher sayd, ‘I’m sure there are sum stupid students in this here class.’ an thay still wudn’t nary a student whut stood up. But then finely, Elmer stood up. So the teecher sayd, ‘Oh Elmer, do you thank ye’re stupid?’ That’z whut got the truble started. Elmer sayd, ‘No, I jest felt bad that yu wuz hafin ta stand up thare by yeself.’ Now whut er we a gonna do bout this?” Well, he didn’t lack it tu much when I sayd, “Well, Mr. McDoogle, I don’t kno whut yu er a gonna du bout it, but ifn I’z yu an had a stupid teecher teechin a class full uv younguns I thank I’d get shed uv her. Sounds ta me lack she’z the wun whut wuz callin names.” I’ll jest say that wudn’t zackly whut he’z spectin ta heer, but he thanked me fer comin and nvited me ta jest go on back home. Ye kno, I never did heer nary a nuther werd about it.
Well, that wun even blowed my mind so I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!