Hey Y’all! Well, I thank winner iz heer and I’m afeered it’z heer ta stay. I’ve dun went ahead on an drug out the bootz, sweterz, an even the long johnz fer Ole Earl. He says that workin outside iz a passel harder on him than it yusta be, coarse that wuz back when he’z a mite younger than he iz now. Speekin uv bein younger…Earl’z frend Bubba has a youngun named Billy Bubba and he’z jest started drivin ret heer resently. Well, Billy Bubba wuz comin home frum his date purdy late Fridee nite and the po-leece stopped him. Thay sayd he swerved a little er sumpthin lack at, enyhow, the officer pult him over and sayd ta Billy Bubba, “Whare du yu live?” Billy Bubba sayd, “Wif my mammy an pappy.” So the officer desided to go at that thang frum a nuther die-reckshun. He sayd, “OK, whare du yer mammy an pappy live?” Billy Bubba sayd, “Wif me.” So the officer axed, “Whare du yu all live?” Billy Bubba sayd, “Tagather.” Well bout then the officer reelized that Billy Bubba wudn’t the britest bulb on the bush, but he’z a getting a mite paturbed. So he sayd, “Whare iz yer house?” Billy Bubba sayd, “It’z ret next ta my naybor’z house.” Well the officer desided that he’d try onst more an he sayd, “Whare iz yer naybor’z house?” Billy Bubba sayd, “Ifn I’z ta tell ye, ye wudn’t baleve me.” So the officer sayd, “Tell me enyway. Whare’z yer naybor’z house?” So, Billy Bubba sayd, “It’z ret next ta my house.” So by that time the officer wuz a gettin near bout mad, but he cud tell gettin mad wudn’t a gonna help thangs nary a bit. So he thot a minet an finley figerd he’d come up with the vary queshun he needed ta ax ta get the informashun that he’z lookin fer. So he sayd, “OK, whut street iz yer house on?” Billy Bubba sayd, “Mister, my house ain’t on the street. It’z sittin ret smack dab in the middle uv a reel big ole yard, whut I hafta mow twict a week.” Well, on Saturdee morning when Billy Bubba hadn’t come home, Bubba calt the po-leece and sayd, “By eny chance have yu got a good lookin yung skutter thar in yer jail?” The officer sayd, “Well, we do have a youngun here in the jail, whuther er not ye call him good lookin is up ta yu. Bubba sayd, “Oh I call him good lookin all the time, cuz he looks jest lack me.” Then the officer sayd, “I have a sneekin feelin that he aks like ye tu.” Well, I spect that’z all I better say bout that!
Dear Margie, I was recently in a public setting and my stomach was really rumbling because I’d missed lunch that day. A woman offered me some of her snack she was eating, but I was very leery about accepting it because she was a total stranger to me. Would you have accepted her generous offer?
Sugar Britches, I spect I would have afore I heered bout a sperience Ole Earl’s frend Jasper had wun day. Jasper wuz drivin a toor bus loaded with a hole passel uv senior citizens. He’z goin down the highway jest lickidy split wun day when this here little ole lady tapped on hiz sholder. She stuck out a handful uv penuts an axed ifn he’d lack ta have em. Well, Jasper wudn’t nary a bit bashful and he’z lack sum other folkz I kno whut lacks ta eat real good, so he sayd, “Shore!” and he took em and started munchin on em. Well, a few minets later the little old lady tapped Jasper on the sholder agen and stuck out a nuther handful uv penuts. I spect yu kan guess that Jasper took that handful tu an whilst he’z munchin on em he’z sittin up thare a thankin how this wuz a nice day. He had nice folks on the bus an this here trip even come with refreshments. Well, bout that time the little lady gived Jasper a nuther handful uv penuts and it hapen bout 4 er 5 more timez. Jasper jest kept on takin em and eatin em. But when she’z bout to give him a nuther batch he got ta feelin a little bit bad bout eatin all her penuts so he sayd tu her, “Mam, I shore preciate ye sharin ye snack with me, but why don’t yu eat the penuts yeself?” She sayd, “We kan’t chew them cuz we don’t have no teeth.” Well, Jasper wuz a mite puzzled by her anser, so he sayd, “Why do ye buy em then?” The old lady smiled this big ole toothless grin an sayd, “We just love the chocklet whut we suck offn frum around them.” Jasper sided he’z a mite tu full ta hold eny more penuts. Az a matter uv fact, Jasper still ain’t wanted no more penuts ta this vary day.
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!