Hey Y’all! Well, somer vaykayshun iz jest bout over and I magin thay’z a hole passel uv younguns whut ain’t zackly plezed az punch bout it nether. Coarse, I’m shore that thay’z sum whut er happy ta be a goin back ta skool, ifn fer no uther reson than ta see all thair frends agen. But these dayz all the younguns haz sale fons and thay tex back and forth more than thay talk ta thay mammy and pappy. I’m tellin ye ret now, way back yunder when I’z a youngun, I’z proud ta get ta go back ta skool. Skool got me out uv a hole passel uv work. An I spect thay’z a bunch uv them thare techers whut iz glad ta be back in a ruteen, that thare’d be the wuns whut ain’t been at it fer a coon’z age. But them whut’z been doin this thang fer a spell iz I figer is alreedy countin the dayz til fall brake in October.
Dear Margie,
With the beginning of another school year drawing closer, trying to get my children new clothes, pencils, paper, backpacks, and all that, it always brings back memories of when I was in school. Children just don’t realize that this time in their life is some of the best memories they’ll ever have. Do you find yourself looking back on your school days this time of year too?
Sweetie Pie, I shore du. Why I’z a thankin jest tuther day bout Delmont Bodean. He’z a youngun whut wuz in my class way back yunder when buck wuz jest a pup. Enyhow, wun day air techer, Miss Hoggreaser, she’z a old made lady whut never did get hitched up with nary a feller in all her born dayz. An I spect all them thare fellers whut growed up with her, back in the dayz ret after Noey’z flud, shore wuz proud uv it tu. Enyhow, she’z bout az purdy az a mud fence an rinkly az a dried up prune. I’m tellin ye ret now that gal wud snag litenin eny day uv the week and twice on Sundee. Enyhow, wun day she sayd, “Class, taday we’re a gonna talk bout the tenses. Now ifn I say, ‘I am beautiful.’ Which wun uv the tenses iz it?” Ole Delmont spoke up ret kwik lack and sayd, “Obvioulsy it’z the pas tense!” Well all us younguns started wha whain. We’z lafin sa hard we hardly even noticed when Miss Hoggreaser rund outta the room cryin. That Delmont, he’z alwayz comin up with sumpthin whut kept us in stitches.
Dear Margie,
After my daughter went to college she met an exchange student from Nigeria and they fell in love. He couldn’t marry here though because he said in his country they still practice arranged marriages and he’d been promised at birth to a girl he’s never met. He wanted to marry my daughter, but his family obligations prevented it. I really wasn’t aware that arranged marriages still existed. Would you be willing to marry someone you didn’t love just because of family obligations?
Sugar Britches, I kno that famly oblagayshuns er reel important, but ta anser yer queshun, no. An ifn ye didn’t get that the first time…HECK NO! Bein hitched up with sumbudy iz hard a nuff ifn thay’z luv in the mix, but ifn thay ain’t, I’d ruther jest not be hitched up atall. That wud caze tu meny prob lems fer me. An speekin uv famly problems, back when I’z a youngun we had a feller in air nayberhood named Jefferson Davis Carter. Well Jefferson started keepin cumpny with Mrs. Jozelle, better knon az the widow Sugarbaker. After a whule thay got hitched up and everthang wuz goin good, til Jefferson’z pappy, Forrest Carter, fell in luv with Jozelle’z daughter, Felisha Sugarbaker. Well, Forrest and Felisha got hitch and Forrest (Jefferson’z pappy) bacome hiz son-in-law. That ment Jefferson bacome hiz pappy’z pappy-in-law, is daughter, Felisha, bacome his mammy, and hiz wife, Jozelle, become hiz granmammy. Now all that sounds purdy cornfusin, but it got worser when Jefferson and Jozelle had a youngun. Hiz name wuz Josiah. Enyhow, Josiah (Jefferson’z son) bacome hiz granpappy’z bruther and hiz pappy’z unkle. Thangs got even worser when Forrest and Felisha had a youngun. Hiz name wuz Lonnie. Well Lonnie wuz Jefferson’z bruther and hiz granyoungun. After all that, Jefferson had bacome hiz own granpappy an his own granyoungun. Jest be proud yer youngun didn’t get inta a mess lack at.
Well, that wun even blowed my mind so I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!