Senior Toor Bus And Sum Fancy Eatin Joint

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By Margie Mountain

Hey Y’all! Well way back yunder when I’z jest a youngun bout knee high ta a grasshopper, my dear old Mammy used ta say that she hadn’t seed this er did that in a munth uv Sundees. I never did understand zackly whut she ment by that, til recently. With all this time off fer the holidayz and all that liquid sunshine we’ve been a hafin lately, it shore felt lack thay’z a munth uv Saterdeez ret in a row. Now I kno I jest sayd my Mammy’z werd wuz Sundeez, but I didn’t have Sundeez, cuz on Sundee I go ta meetin. I ain’t been ta meetin no more that normal, but hafin all them dayz off work seemed lack Saterdeez ta me. Enyhow, I’m glad ta be back at it and I hope y’all er tu. Happy New Yar everbudy!

Dear Margie,
I was recently in a public setting and my stomach was really rumbling because I’d missed lunch that day. A woman offered me some of her snack she was eating, but I was very leery about accepting it because she was a total stranger to me. Would you have accepted her generous offer?

Sugar Britches, I spect I would have afore I heered bout a sperience whut Bubba’z frend Jasper had wun day. Jasper wuz drivin a toor bus loaded with a hole passel uv senior citizens. He’z a goin down the highway jest lickidy split when this here little ole lady tapped him on hiz sholder. She stuck out a handful uv penuts an axed ifn he’d lack ta have em. Well, Jasper wudn’t nary a bit bashful and he’z lack sum other folkz I kno whut lacks ta eat real good, so he sayd, “Shore!” and he took em and started munchin on em. Well, a few minets later the little old lady tapped Jasper on the sholder agen and stuck out a nuther handful uv penuts. I spect yu kan guess that Jasper took that handful tu an whilst he’z munchin on em he’z sittin up thare a thankin how this wuz a nice day. He had nice folks on the bus an this here trip even come with refreshments. Well, bout that time the little lady gived Jasper a nuther handful uv penuts and it hapen bout 4 er 5 more timez. Jasper jest kept on takin em and eatin em. But when she’z bout to give him a nuther batch he got ta feelin a little bit bad bout eatin all her penuts so he sayd tu her, “Mam, I shore preciate ye sharin ye snack with me, but why don’t yu eat the penuts yeself?” She sayd, “We kan’t chew them cuz we don’t have no teeth.” Well, Jasper wuz a mite puzzled by her anser, so he sayd, “Why do ye buy em then?” The little lady smiled this big ole toothless grin an sayd, “We just love the chocklet whut we suck offn frum around them.” Jasper sided he’z a mite tu full ta hold eny more penuts. Az a matter uv fact, Jasper still ain’t wanted no more penuts ta this vary day.

Dear Margie,
My daughter is in college and has really started eating a lot of ramen noodles. When she lived with us we could hardly get here to eat macaroni and cheese and now these noodles seem to be the main thing she eats. I don’t see what the attraction is, but I can’t say really say that I’ve ever eaten ramen noodles, have you?

Sweetie pie, I kan tell ye whut the attracshun ta them thare ramen noodles iz, it’z the price! I kan shore tell ye after goin ta sum fancy eatin joint, 25 cents ain’t tu bad fer a meal. Don’t matter ifn it ain’t zackly the meal yu want, it’ll fill a holler spot. Fer the furst time in thair life, them college younguns iz hafin ta get by on whut thay kan make, an thay’ve dun went ahead on and spent the biggest part uf thair meesley pay check on partying, an the rest uv the week thay’d starve ifn it wudn’t fer them thare ramen noodles.
Me an Ole Earl got hooked on them noodles way back yunder when we’z jest startin out. So I keep a mess uv em in the cabinet. Eny time we want a little snack, thare them noodles are jest callin out tu us. Don’t matter ifn thay’ve been thare fer 5 yars, thay taste jest az good az thay did when I furst brung em home. Well, I jest gotta tell ye that tuther
night, I got hongry and sided ta make sum. I tuk out all them thare packets uf stuff what thay put in fer flaver, opened em all up an added em the the noodles then put the bowl in the microwave. Well, after bout a minet I sided sumpthin wuz bad rong. Thay’z a turible burnin smell in the kitchen an when I opened the door ta the microwave I shore figered it out. After addin all that thare stuff ta make it taste sa good I fergot ta add the water. Well I went ta the sink an added water, but that didn’t turn out eny better. After all that, I sided I reely didn’t want nuthin ta eat after all.

Well, I gotta skedaddle fer now. Until next time thank on these here wurds “Baleve ye kan du sumpthin, and ye’re alreedy haf way thare.” Y’all come on back next week, ye hear!

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