Hey Y’all! Well, it’z Septimbur now and jest lack clokwerk the dayz iz a getin a litle cooler and the nitez iz a getin a litle longer. An jest lack clokwerk them boyz iz ret back out thare on the ole gridiron, a beetin an a bangin on ech uther lack thay thot thay’z spoze tu. An I spect thay er spoze tu cuz when thay don’t, yu kan bet ye botum dolar that thair coach iz a gonna have a come a part. Now I’ve seed sum reel come a partz in my time specially them thare coaches on the TV. That thare Nick Saban iz famus fer hiz come a partz. I’m a tellin ye ret now, I may rite fer the newspaper, but I’m shore glad I ain’t the wun whut haz ta ax him no queshuns. I thank he mite make ole Margie teer up and that takez sum doin.
Dear Margie,
My family has a Football Friday tradition of getting together for a cookout before the ballgames and when we have the leftovers the next day before the ballgame on TV. Do you and Earl have any Football Friday traditions?
Sugar Britches, yu beter kno we du. Jest lack yu we have all the younguns ta come over an eat supper with us. Now we don’t alwayz grill out, but thay’z usually a hole passel uv Mountains in the valley. Then we all go on over ta the ballgame an jest have us a good ole time. But on Saterdee nitez me and Ole usually jest stay home and recoouperate. Life over 29 getz ruffer all the time. But that remindz me uv this here feller whut werkz with Ole Earl whut’z named Bubby Ray Fudrucker. Well, ever Fridee after werk Bubby Ray farz up hiz outdoor grill an cookz venison stake afore the ball game. Well, now ye mite be a axin yeself, “whut doz Bubby Ray du when it ain’t futball seeson?” but it’z alwayz some sorta ball seeson and Bubby Ray jest lacks venison stake sa dang good he’z a gonna grill enyhow jest ta stay in practice. Now I’m a tellin ye that boy jest loves venison stake. When hiz freezer starts ta gettin low he’ll plan up a huntin trip. He takes hiz huntin trips srius tu, cuz them huntin trips is whut fills the freezer with venison stake. Enyhow, all uv Bubba’s nayburs iz Catholic, and since it’z Lent on Frideez, and thay’re forbid frum eatin red meet on Fridee, thay wudn’t tu happy with ole Bubba Ray cuz that de-lishus smell uv them venison stakes caused sech a problum fer the Catholic faithful thay finlee talked ta thair priest an the priest come to visit Bubba Ray. That thare priest sajested that he Bubba Ray bacom a Catholic. Well, ole Bubba Ray hadn’t never had no religen ta speek uv since he left home, and hiz dear ole Mammy and Pappy wuz Baptist, but he sided that ifn this here priest thot he orta thank bout bacomin a Catholic he mite ort ta give her a try. So he started Catholic classes ta lern how ta be a reel good wun. An after several classes an a hole passel uv studyin, Bubba finely went ta Mass wun day. Well, the priest sprankled holy water all over Bubby Ray and sayd, “Yu wuz bornd a Baptist and yu wuz razed a Baptist, but now yu’re a Catholic.”
I’ll jest say that Bubba’s nayburs wuz reel pleezed…til Fridee nite come along an the smell uv venison stake made it’z way acrost the nayburhood agen. The nayburz calt up the priest ta come over az kwik az litenin. An shore nuff when he got thare he rushed inta Bubba’z back yard holdin onta a rosary and he’z all rared back to skold Bubba, but he stopped dead still when seed that Bubba had a holt uv a bottle of holy water. He wached az Bubba carefully sprankled that holy water all over the grillin meat whilst sayin, “Yu wuz bornd a deer and yu wuz razed a deer, but now yu’re a catfish.” The priest went ta the store and brung back a passel uv close pins and passed em out ta all uv Bubby Ray’z Catholic nayburz. He tolt em that the best thang fer em ta du wuz jest use them thare close pin on thair nose on Fridee nitez cuz thay jest wudn’t nary a bit uv hope fer convertin Bubby Ray Fudrucker. An jest lack that thare priest, I’ve fount that folkz iz a gonna du jest a bout whut thay wanna du. An ifn ye gotta lie tu em ta get em ta see thangz yer way, then ye ain’t a makin much headway in the furst place.
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!