By Margie Mountain
Hey Y’all! Well, I’z down at the Walmart tuther day and I over heered these tu gray haired fellers talkin. Wun uv em sayd, “I wuz lukin in the mira tuther day notaced that I shore have got old!” Then that thare other feller sayd, “Yu shore have. Whut in the world happen tu ye?” The furst wun sayd, “Well, I’ve had tu bypass surgareez, a hip replacement, I’ve got nu knees, I faut off prostate kanser and diebeetus, I’m haf blind, I kan’t heer enythang kwiter than a jet engine, I take 40 difrnt medakayshuns whut make me dizzy, winded, and subject ta blackoutz, I have bouts with demencha, I have poor circalashun, I kan’t hardly feel my hands and feet no more, I kan’t member ifn I’m 85 er 92, and I’ve lost all my friends. But I still have my driver’s license.”
Halloween is jest around the corner and I’ve dun been a thankin on all the deckerashuns whut Ole Earl’z a gonna get ta put out this yar. My yard gets fuller ever yar and this here yar ain’t no excptshun. I’ve dun been down ta Lowe’s and got a new blow up figer. It’z a gonna be a reel good addishun ta the collecshun I’ve alredy got. An az yu kan jest imagine, Earl kan’t wate ta get started puttin all that thare stuff out. But I tolt him he’z jest a gonna hafta wate til October furst. Long bout the forth er fif yall come on by an give it a looksee. I thank yu’ll be proud ye did.
Dear Margie,
It seems to me like we live in a world where there are too many acronyms. I understand that it’s supposed to be a time saver, but everything has to have an abbreviation these days, especially with the people that do a lot of texting. Do you have problems keeping up with it all?
Sweetie Pie, yu better kno I du. Even a tech savvy gal lack me still has truble keepin up with ever thang. Coarse the furst wun I ever lernt wuz BYOB (brang yer own beer). I lernt that wun way back yunder at good ole Podunk High. When BYOB wuz attached tu a partee, I knod that wuz wun I needed ta steer clear uv, cuz thay’z a gonna be sum goins on whut my Mammy warned be bout. An coarse FYI (fer yer infermashun) haz been a round fer kwit a spell tu. My younguns taut me way back yunder whut LOL (laffin out loud) means, and uv coarse TY (thank ye). But Earl’z frend Cliff jest ain’t with it yet. He’z in a restaurant tuther nite and all uv a sudden a waitress axed, “Does enybudy kno CPR?” Well Cliff jumped ret up and sayd, “Heck yeah, I kno the hole alphabet.”
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!