Hey Y’all! Well when fall finley got here, it came in with a bang, didn’t it? I’m tellin ye ret now jest lass week we’z still hafin niney degre wether and now it’z down inta the thurdyz at nite. Whutever happn ta the dayz gettin cooler graduly? I kan member when I’z a youngun, bout nee hi tu a grasshopper, the summer dayz went frum the hunerdz ta the nineyz, then ta the ateez, then on down ta the sebundeez, afore it got inta the sixdeez. This here year it seemed ta go frum the nineyz ta the sixdeez all at onst. Ole Earl ain’t complanin tho. He lacks this here colder wether. He sayz, “Ifn yu worked out in the heet lack I du, yu’d be proud ta see sum cooler dayz tu.”
Oh, let me tell ye bout sumpthin funny my frend Burtha May did tuther day. Burtha May iz a volunteer at the hospital. She’z wun uv them thare gals whut rollz ye out ta yer car in a wheel chair when it’z yer time ta go, a-a-a go home that iz, not the big go. I thank ye actually get ta ride on a bed when it’z the big goin that ye’re a doin. Enyhow, she’z calt on ta take a wheel chair up ta room 251 fer a payshunt whut wuz a gettin ta go home. Sometimez she haz ta help em pak thair stuff up and sorder rush em along a mite. But not this time, when she got ta room 251 she fount a elderly gentleman whut wuz alredy paked up, alredy dressed, and sittin thare on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. She sayd, “Sir ifn yu’ll have a seet in this here wheel chair I’ll jest roll ye ret down ta yer car and yu’ll be on yer way. Well the man insisted that he didn’t need eny help a leavin the hospital, but after Burtha May splained that it’z hospital regalayshuns fer her to push him in that thare chair and that ifn she didn’t she mite lose her job. Then she went inta a sob story bout how bad she needed her job ta feed her 12 starvin younguns. After a whule he got ta feelin sorry fer her and he sayd, “OK, OK, ifn ye gotta, ye gotta, so he plopped his rear end in the wheel chair and away thay went jest a getting it down the hall ta the elavater. So, when thay got down ta the lobby outside Bertha May axed him ifn hiz wife wus a meetin him thare. The feller sayd, “I don‘t kno.” So Burtha May axed him, “Whut do ye meen ye don’t kno?” He sayd. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changin out of her hospital gown.”
Dear Margie,
I’ve noticed that my mother is getting a little forgetful these days and she can’t hear very well either. So we got her a hearing aid. Some days she wears the hearing aid and some days she refuses to wear it. Her hearing is much better with it, so what should we do to encourage her to wear the hearing aid so that we can stop having to yell at her?
Well, that thare’z a purdy good queshun Sugar Plum. After my dear ole Pappy lost part uv his heerin we had the same problem. When he’d ware the heerin aid he cud heer a pissant crawlin on a tree lim fiftee yards a way, but ifn he didn’t he cudn’t heer loud thunder. Well we’d took him out ta eat fer his burfday and he ackshuly had hiz heerin aid on. Thay’z these two elderly gals whut wuz eatin at the table ret next ta us in the restaurant. Now we’d knod the ole gals fer a lot uv yars. One uv em wus named Ethel an tuther wuz Maybell. Ethel noticed sumpthin funny bout Maybell’s ear and she sayd, “Maybell, did yu kno that yu’ve got a suppository in yer left ear? “ Maybell pulled it out an stared at it fer a minet. Then she sayd, “Well I guess I kno where my heerin aid iz.” After that, Pappy wuz reel eger ta ware hiz herein aids. He sided ifn that’z the sorta stuff he’d been missin out on he didn’t want ta miss nary a nuther thang.
Dear Margie,
My great aunt Sadie and my great uncle George are in their nineties and still seem to be as much in love as they have ever been. What’s the secret for a long marriage?
Sweetie Pie, thay ain’t nary a secret ta hafin a long marriage. The thang iz, thay’z gotta be a hole passel uv luv whut walkz ret along side uv the marriage er it jest won’t work. Take me an Ole Earl fer eggzample. He luvz me more and more ever day cuz he knoz thay ain’t no other woman whut wud put up with him, and I ain’t a gonna tell him this, but I got a purdy good ider thay ain’t nobudy else whut wud be willin ta put up with me neether… specially sum dayz. Why thay’z timez when I kan be meener than a hongry grizzly bar. Thay’z uther dayz when I kan be az grouchy az a mashed cat. An then thay’z them dayz when I’m sweet az pie an twict az purdy. Earl says that’z the dayz when I’m a wantin sumpthin. A COARSE IT IZ! I ain’t lived this long without learnin that ye kan kech more flyz with honey than ye kan with vinegar.
Speekin uv long marriages, my great great unkel Rufus was invited to hiz old frend’z house fer supper one nite. He wuz reel mprest by the way hiz buddy started ever request ta hiz wife with Honey, My Luv, Darlin, Sweethart, Punkin, an stuff lack at. Now this here cuple had been hitched up tagather fer near bout 70 yars, an it wuz plane ta see that thay wuz still vary much in luv. Well, whilst the wife wuz in the kichen, great great unkel Rufus leaned over ta hiz frend and sayd, “I thank it’z jest wonderful that, after all these yars, yu still call yer wife all them thare pet namez.” Hiz frend hung hiz head and sayd, “Ruf, I hafta tell ye the truth. I call her all them thare pet namez cuz I fergot her name bout 10 years ago.”
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!