Hey Y’all!
This here’z ye ole frend Margie Mountain comin atchey frum down town Pine Ridge ret here in Decab County, Alabamer in the good ole U.S. uv A. I kno y’all have ben a missin me an all my crazy stories an I’ve shore ben a missin y’all tu. I got ta lukin back at when I did my lass column an it wuz Ock-toe-bur uv 2020. Kan ye ba-leave that? Over a yar! So I sided I mite orta splain that thare thang.
I sided ta take sum time off whilst that thare COVID bug wuz a goin a round and I’m shore glad I did tu. Me an Ole Earl haz ben takin her ezy an stayin in outta the COVID ridden air out thare. We bof had a case uv it way back yunder a spell (ret about Ock-toe-bur 2020 when ever budy an thay bruther had it), but we’re fit az a fiddle now, jest not reedy ta stop chillin yet.
Ye see, ba-sides spendin lotz uv time inside, we’ve ben spendin lotz uv time on the river with our pon-tune bote cuz thay sayd that we cud be out in the fresh air and not hafta worry bout that thare COVID stuff tu much. So we’ve ben a fishin, an a campin, an a hikin, an a grillin, an a restin, an then doin it all over agin fer a long time now. An ye kno whut? Me an Ole Earl haz de-sided that we lack this here life uv leasure. Out thare in the middle uv the river thay ain’t no ded-linez, er no hed-lines, er no budy tellin us whut ta du er when ta du it. I kan get reel use ta that thare kind uv livin.
Now I kno whut yu’re a thankin, “It mus be nice, but it don’t du much fer the bank acount. Well, that thare’z sum purdy good thankin, but ader a while me an Ole Earl bof put in our re-tar-ment paperz an it feelz purdy dang good ta be a layin up in the hamunk an jest lack magic a munth’z werth uv cash jest apperz in ye bank acount. Now folkz, lemme jest say that’z whut I call livin.
I spect ye mite be a wunderin why I de-sided ta du this here column ifn I’m n-joyin my re-tar-ment sa much, so lemme jest get ret tu the matter. I heered tell that my old buddy Doc John Anderson dun went ahead on an put in hiz re-tar-ment paperz tu, and l cudn’t be more tickled fer him an hiz sweet wife Mimi ifn I’z stripped down naked an rolled in a pile uv featherz. Course I cud tell Mrs. Mimi a thang er tu bout spendin all day ever day with the husban, but I spect I better save that thare con-ver-say-shun til a nuther day. This here might not be the bes place fer it. Thay’z tu meny eyes lookin on. An in all fairness I’m spectin that Ole Earl an Doc cud have a nice con-ver-say-shun er tu bout spendin all day ever day with the wife. Course thare con-ver-say-shun wud be mostly bout good stuff don’t ye kno.
Enyhow, I jest wanted ta say con-grat-u-lay-shunz tu ye Doc. Ifn yu an Mrs. Mimi er ever out here in the middle uv the river an ye see our pon-tune jest a sailin along, pull up thare ba-side us an we’ll trade sum storeez. I’m shore at yer age yu’ve got a lot ta tell bout life, liberty, and the pur-suit uv happiness, an me an Old Earl kan fill in all the gapz ba-twixed the storeez I’v tolt an the onez I ain’t tolt yet. Yu kan betcha bottom doller it wud be a hoot.
Well, I spect I better go fer now, that thare hamunk iz gettin purdy lonesum fer itz good frend Margie Mountain. Y’all have a good un.