Hey Y’all! Well, I seed yesturdee that them thare blackburies er a bloomin so I spect the lass uv the cold weather iz bout over fer this here seezun. Now we kan drag out the Daisy Dukes, Halter Tops, and Flip Flops and be purdy dang shore we ain’t a gonna freze ta deth ifn we step outside with em on. I alwayz luk forward ta the changin uv the seezuns. We’ve got the seezun fer Jeens, Long Sleves, an Close Toed Shuz. That’z whut uther folkz callz fall. Then we got Swetz, Sweterz, Bootz, an Big Cotez. That’z whut uther folkz callz winner. Then thay’z Short Slevez, Peddle Pushers (Capriz), and Wind Brakers (not ta be confuzed with sumbudy whut mite be a brakin wind). That’z whut uther folkz callz sprang. And finally the seezun fer Daisy Dukes, Halter Tops, and Flip Flops. That’z whut uther folkz callz sumer. Now ye mite be a thankin it ain’t plum sumer yet, an coarse yer rite, but in these here partz when summer akshully gets here then it’z Skinny Dippin and Streakin seezun, but I spect that’z all I better say bout that. Jest don’t plan a day uv fishin in Pine Ridge ifn ye ain’t got the stomak fer it.
Dear Margie,
My mother-in-law passed away recently and when we were going through her belongings we found information about a checking account that no one knew about. She had saved quite a bit of money over the years. It was a nice little nest egg for her grandchildren. Do you have a checking account that Earl don’t know about?
Honey Child, I wish I did! I spect Earl wishes I did tu. Ever yar when we get air stuff reedy fer Uncle Sam we luk at all them paycheck stubs an then luk round the house and yard an wunder whut in the world happened ta all that money thay say thay give us. We females orta take a hint frum Wilma Wynette Winslow, a little lady whut lived in our nayborhood when I’z a youngun. Az the tail wuz tolt, on Wilma’z wedin nite ta Willie Wilbur Winslow (an ole Al Gore thot he invented www), anyhow, on Wilma and Willie’s wedin nite Wilma axed Willie fer $20 fer thair first romantic encounter. Well thay sayd ole Willie wuz proud ta ablige, so Wilma kep on axin fer $20 ever time thay got friendly. Willie figered it wuz jest a cute way that Wilma cud afford ta by sum new close and stuff whut ladies lack, so he didn’t mind spotin her a $20 bill cuz the more he paid the more he got. Well wun day, jest after thair 30-yar anaversry Wilma comed home and fount Willie jest a cryin in his beer. He sayd, “Thay’ve downsized and work and I ain’t got no job no more. It’z purdy unlackly that at the age uv 59 I’ll find a nuther job whut payz that good. We’re finanshully ruined. Well the tail goes that Wilma pult out a bankbook whut showed 30 yars uv deposits and interest totalin purdy near a million bucks. Then Wilma showed Willie certificates uv deposit issued by the bank worth over tu million bucks. Wilma splained that fer more than three decades she’d been chargin him fer romance and that wuz whare all that thare money had come furm. Well thay say Ole Willie wuz az tickled az a bare butt with a feather duster. It tuk him a few minutes ta be able ta say enythang, but finely he blurted out, “Ifn I’d a knod that’z whut yu wuz a doin with the money, I’d a give yu all my business!” Well, thay say that’z when she shot him. Wilma didn’t spend no time in jail tho. The judge wuz the husband uv wun uv Willie’z girlfrends. Wilma and Judge Orvill Scruggs got hitched up and thay shore did njoy livin at the beech on all uv Willie’z money.
Well, I spect I better skedaddle fer now. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!