Hey Y’all! Well it’z steal cold in these here partz and I’m shore lookin farword ta the warm wether a comin back soon. This here cold at nite an warmin up in the day iz OK, but it seems purdy bad ta run the heater at nite an the air condishuner in the daytime. The way I got it figered, the Big Guy Upstairs gets a purdy good kick outta us in the sprangtime. Ifn it ain’t cold it’z a rainin. But it’z lack the preecher sayd at meetin lass Sundee, us human beans jest lack ta have sumpthin ta complane a bout. He sayd, “The good lord knos whut we need an when we need it and he’ll send the warm weether when it’s time fer it ta be warm.” I jest bout got fed up with all the Amens whut wuz a comin frum Earl’s die-recshun.
Dear Margie,
My mother-in-law is a really hard person to get along with. It don’t matter what I do or what I say I just can’t seem to please her. What do you suggest?
Land a Goshen, Sugar Plum! I spect that’z wun uv them thare misstaries uv life and yu’d be saprized how ofen I get axed that same questyun. I had a real good relayshunship with my mammy-in-law, but thay wuz still times when me and her didn’t see I ta I on thangs. Thay ain’t reely no secret ta getting a long with yer mammy-in-law. Ifn she’z a goodun be proud and ifn she ain’t then ye jest gotta learn ta live with it and stay away frum her az much az ye kan. But here’z whut my baby sister Ellie Mae did. Now Ellie Mae and her sweet thang Lonnie Mack wuz in this here turable car wreck onst and Lonnie Mack’s face wuz burnt real bad. The doctor tolt Lonnie Mack that they cudn’t graft nary a bit uf skin frum hiz body cuz he wuz tu skinny. Magin that! I don’t spect thay’z no danger uv me ever bein tolt sech a thang. Anyhow…sweet little ole Ellie Mae offered ta donate sum uv her skin, but the onliest skin on her body that the doctor sayd wuz suitable wud hafta come frum her rump. Well, Lonnie Mack and Ellie Mae talked that thang over and desided that thay wudn’t never gonna tell nobudy whare the skin come frum and thay axed the doctor not to tell eny budy neither. I guess that fell by the wayside didn’t it? Anyhow, after the surgery everbudy wuz jest real surprised at how good Lonnie Mack’s new face looked. He’z more handsome than he ever wuz afore the accident. All his friends and relashuns jest went on and on bout his baby face. Well after a while Lonnie Mack and Ellie Mae wuz by thayselves one day and Lonnie Mack sayd, “Sweetie, I jest wanna thank ye fer everthang ye did fer me. Iz thay eny way I kan repay ye?” Well, without even hafin ta thank bout that thang my baby sister sayd, “Darlin, I get all the thanks I need ever time I see yer mammy kiss ye on the cheek.”
Dear Margie,
My daughter came home from school the other day with a class assignment. They have been studying newspapers. So, she was supposed to interview a family member and write a story about it. While that sounds like a pretty easy thing to do, it was really hard. I don’t know how newspaper people do it all the time. Did your children ever have to do that sort of thing?
Honey Lamb, I spect ye jest gotta kno that with az meny younguns az me and Ole Earl’z got we’ve been thru bout ever thang thay iz ta a magin bout skool projecz. Norma Jean come home onst and sayd she had ta get wun uv us ta tell her a story whut had a moral lessen at the end, so Earl jest started ret inta telling her bout her grate ant Laverne. Well, the next day at skool the younguns had ta tell thair stories ta the class. “Norma Jean sayd my pappy tolt a story bout my grate ant Laverne. She wuz a pilot in the war and her plane got hit. She had ta bail out over enemy tertory and all she had wuz a small flask uv whiskey, a pistol, and a survival nife. She drunk the whiskey on the way down so’s it wouldn’t break, an then her parachute landed ret in the middle uv twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen uv em with the gun til she run out uv bullets, then she kilt four more with the nife, till the blade broke, an then she kilt the last feller with her bare hands.” The teecher sayd, “Good Heavens, Norma Jean, whut kind of moral did yer pappy tell ye from that thare horrible story?” Norma Jean stuck out her chest and proudly announced, “Stay the heck away from grate ant Laverne when she’z dranking!” Well, I’ll jest say Norma Jean didn’t get a A on that wun.
Well, I spect I better skedaddle fer now. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!