Hey Y’all! Well, with all uv this here rain we’ve been a havin lately I’ve been thankin a hole heep bout Noee and hiz flud. Coarse, I kno it wudn’t Noee’z flud, but I spect ye have a nuff gumpshun ta kno whut I’m talkin bout. Folkz these here dayz jest ain’t got the pashunts ta put up with a rainy day ever onst in a whule much less bein stuk on a boat with a passel uv stinkin varmints whut ain’t seed the light uv day in a few munts an ain’t had nary a chance ta run wild and free in all that time neether. But I fer wun am pleezed az punch ta see this here rain. We’z a gettin purdy dry round these here parts. Now don’t get me rong, I ain’t reedy fer no 40 dayz uv rain, but a few dayz iz fine with me.
Dear Margie,
My daughter is getting married soon to a young man that has a track record of leaving girls at the alter. Of course my daughter says it’s not going to happen this time, because he loves her, but I’m a little worried. Do yu have any advice for me to help insure that he’ll show up this time?
Honey Child, ifn I’z afeered that sum jasper wuz lible ta brake the hart uv wun uv my younguns lack at I thank a duble barrel shot gun wud be jest the thang ta du the trick. An I thank maybe a private carimony with jest the preecher, the luv burds, me an Earl, an the duble barrel afore the showey carimony wud be in order tu. That way he’ll dun be hitched up and tu afeered ta say enythang septin “YES I DU!” But that thare duz brang on a weddin day memry frum the Mountain family. Me an Earl and hiz oldest bruther Beauford wuz headed ta a Mountian family weddin and we’z runnin a mite later than we intended tu so we’z jest a gettin it thru this here little town on the way ta the church. Well, Earl wuz a drivin, Beauford wuz fidigitin in the frunt seet, an I’z jest chillin in the back watchin the tu uv ev arguin. All uv a sudden thay’z this here blue lite whut lit up the sky and Earl pult the car over. Well, when the officer came stoggin up ta the winder Earl sayd, “Officer, I kno we’z speedin, but I kan splain!” Well the officer wudn’t wantin ta heer no sad tails, so he sayd, “Jest be kwite, I’m a gonna let yu kool yer heels in jail til the chief gets back.” Well, Earl tried agan, “But officer, I just wanted ta say…” but the officer jumped ret in an stopped him, “And I sayd ta keep kwite! Yu’re a goin ta jail! We don’t put up with folks a speedin thru air town lack a bat outta haydeez.” Well the more Earl talked, the more figidity Beauford got. And it lukt lack thay wudn’t nutin du that thare officer but ta haul us all down ta the jail, and that’z jest whut he did. After a few airs passed, the officer lukt in on uz an sayd, “Lucky fer yu that the chief’z at hiz daughter’z weddin. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.” Well, that’z when Beauford finely werked up the gumptshun ta speek an he sayd, “Don’t count on it. I’m the groom.”
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!