Hey Y’all! Well, all them thare younguns iz back ta bein students agen this weak and I kno a bunch uv mammys whut er havin thairself a sellabrayshun. Now it’z the mammy’z vaykayshun time. Why after thay get them younguns on the bus in the mornins thay’ve got 9 airs uv youngun free zone. Thay mite even have time ta put thair feet up fer a few minets whislt thay njoy a second cup uv cofe.
Dear Margie,
My son came home yesterday complaining about having to be out in the heat during his PE time. When I was a child PE was always my favorite time of day because we got to go out in the sunshine. Of course that was before everyone had air conditioners and game boys. I think we’re bringing up a generation of whiners. What do you think?
Sweetie Pie, I’m glad yu axed. I shore thank yu’re rite bout that thare whinnin thang. Why it seems lack ifn sum uv the younguns taday didn’t have sumpthin ta whine about that wudn’t even kno nuthin ta say. We’re raisin up a pitiful lot, but my Dear Ole Pappy tolt me it’z my falt fer tryin ta make everthang sa good fer em. I’m lernin more ever day jest how rite he wuz, dag nabit. When my Norma Jean wuz still in skool she fixed herself up this here note fer her PE techer whut sayd she cudn’t pertisapate fer medical resonz (which ment ifn she pertisapated she’d spaz out frum lazyness sa bad thay’d hafta call the doctor). Enyhow, thay’z this one day when the PE class wuz perparin fer a track meat and so the techer got leave fer the class ta be able ta jog round the nayberhood. Well, Norma Jean lacked the i-deer uv gettin outta skool fer the day, so she jest convenyuntly fergot ta remind the techer bout her “medical reson”. Well, Norma Jean never wuz vary good with die-recshuns an she’z lack some other folkz I kno whut get side tracked purdy durn ezy. Well, lo and bahold Norma Jean got side tracked, lookin at a danged ole boy er sumpthin I spect, enyhow, she zigged when she shuda zagged an got separated frum the rest uv the class. Why she’z jest az lost az a goose ret thare in her own nayberhood. An when I say she’z lost, Honey Child, yu better kno I mean she’z reely lost. The techer and the princeabal luked fer her fer tu an a haf airs afore thay fount her. Norma Jean’z claim ta fame iz that she single handedly changed the skool’z policy bout PE field trips.
Dear Margie,
I took my 16-year-old son to get his driver’s license the other day. I was really proud of him. He didn’t have a single mark against him. That was much better than I did on my driver’s test when I got my license. How well did you do?
Law Me, Sugar Britches, I’m a wishin yu hadn’t a axed. But…cents ye dun went ahead on an axed, I spect I’m abliged ta tell ye all a bout it. My oldest bruther, Homer Jack, and my nex oldest bruther, Roscoe, why thay’z both reel good at drivin cuz Pappy had them tu drivin the ole farm trucks around frum the time thay’z knee high tu a grasshopper. Homer Jack and Roscoe had even dun sum werk fer Mr. Simpson, the feller whut wuz givin em the test, so thair passin the test wuz in the bag afore they even drove off. Homer Jack sayd Mr. Simpson jest laid his seat back and took a snooze whilst he’z takin hiz test. An by the time Bertha Sue wuz old a nuff ta take her test Mammy had dun bout kwit drivin, so Bertha Sue wuz purdy sperienced tu. Well, with Pappy, Homer Jack, Roscoe, and Bertha Sue all being whare thay cud drive, it didn’t give me a chanch ta get bahind the stirin wheel vary offn. Well, Bertha Sue iz the wun whut got elected ta take me fer my driver’s lysins test and I’ll jest say she wudn’t nun tu happy bout it. She had a date that nite with ole Bodean Holliston. Now jest let me tell ye I’ve been a thankin the Big Guy Upstairs fer meny a day that Bodean didn’t end up az my bruther-in-law. Stead uv warin a sign that sayd “Do Not Disturb”, that boy needed a sign whut sayd, “Alredy Disturbed, Proceed With Caution”. Enyhow, az soon az we got ta the driver’s lysins place Bertha smarted off and agitated that gal at the counter. Turnt out that wuz the vary wun whut had ta du the road test with me. Well, we got in the car and I thot I’z doin jest jine, til the ole gal started freekin out? She sayd, “Pull over!” Then she sayd I’z the worsest driver she ever seed. Well, after she yell at me fer a spell, she demanded that I go back ta the startin point. The rest uv the time she’z on her phone and I’z a basket case. When we get theare, thare wuz a state trooper waitin fer me. He gived me whut he calt a field sobriety test. Now I mean I literally had to take a sobriety test when I tried ta get my lysins. I’ll jest say…least wize I passed wun test that thare day.
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!