Hey Y’all! Well, the rain finley kwit fer a spell and even tho I tried not ta complane bout the rain, cuz I kno the Big Guy Upstairs knos whut he’z a doin, I shore ain’t complanein bout the sunshine neether. Fer the same reason, don’t ye kno. The Big Guy Upstairs knos whut he’z a doin, an I’m shore proud he thunked we needed ta see the sunshine agen. I’z bout ta hafta brake out a few more buckets fer the leeks in the roof ifn that thare wet stuff hadn’t stopped fallin. Ye see, the thang bout a leeky roof iz, ye kan’t fix it when it’z a rainin, and when it stops rainin, the roof don’t leek no more.
Dear Margie,
I was looking for a parking space the other day so I could go inside the store and start my shopping. After making the third trip around the parking lot I finally saw a shopper putting the items they’d purchased in their car, so I knew they would be backing out of the parking spot soon. I headed up the isle to get it before someone else did. I was sitting there patiently waiting, with my blinker turned on so that everyone could see this was my spot, and as soon as the car backed out, another driver from the other direction whirled around and stole my space. Mercy was I angry. Has that ever happened to you?
Honey Child, I spect that’z happen ta jest bout everbudy whut drives, but jest lack yu, it shore doz make me mad when it happenz. But Me and Ole Earl haz a frend whut fixed sum little fillies whut dun that ta them reel good! Billy Bubba and his luvley wife Erma Jane went out ta eat supper one nite. Thay wuz a hole passel uv carz in the parkin lot so after Billy Bubba seed a man come out and get inta hiz car thay waited bout 10 minets fer him ta leeve, but jest az kwik az the man finely pulled out uv the parkin spot a car load with young gals whipped ret inta Billy Bubba’z spot. Well, Billy Bubba cranked down the winder on his old rusted out pickup truck and sayd, “Hay, I’ve ben a waitin fer that thare parkin spot fer haf a air. And the driver sayd, “Tu bad, yer name wudn’t on it.” Well ole Billy Bubba iz usually a purdy dang good feller, but when he gets riled up he’z not a nice guy ta hafta deel with. And let me jest say that Billy Bubba wuz purdy dang riled bout then. Enyhow, Billy Bubba and Erma Jane went in and ate thair supper and jest az thay’z bout ta leeve thay spotted them gals whut had stolt thair parkin spot. Thay’z havin thair selfs a big ole time at the bar; jest a doing shots and getting waisted. Well ole Billy Bubba fixed thair wagon purdy good. He tolt hiz waiter, Clarance, whu jest happen ta be hiz thurd cuzin twice removed, that thay’z a nuther $20 bill in it fer him ifn he’d wait bout 10 minets after him and Erma Jane left and then go in thare an tell them thare gals that sumbudy had jest calt and sayd thay had keyed thari car and that thay shud have parked sumwhare’z else. (Jest so’s ye kno, Billy Bubba didn’t reely key thair car.) Enyhow, Billy Bubba calt back and talked ta Clarance bout a air later and Clarance tolt him that they gals went nuts when he tolt em. He sayd thay’z screamin and carryin on lack nobudy’z bizness. Thay even calt the cops. Bout a week later Billy Bubba talked ta Clarance agen and the rest uv the story iz that when the cops showed up thay fount no damage on the car, but thay noticed that the gals wuz flyin purdy hi. So thay left, but come ret back with a bunch uv thair buddies and when the gals came out and got in thair car ta leeve the cops lit up the parkin lot with sa meny blue lites it lukt bout lack forth uv july. Them gals all got a free ride ret down ta the jailhouse fer DUI’s and fer bein drunk and disorderly. Billy Bubba gived ole Clarance a nuther $20 bill jest fer good measure. He sayd it wuz the best 40 bucks he’d ever spent. He got revenge fer the gals swiping his parkin spot and kep a drunk driver offn the street ta boot.
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!