By Margie Mountain
Hey Y’all! Well I spect cents thay’z blackbaryz a bloomin everwhare this must be whut the old folkz calz Blackbary Winner whut we jest come thru. Ifn that’z tru then I we beter all geer up fer the hot sun ta start beetin down on us in the nex few weakz. Ole Earl’z alreedy gettin hiz gardenin britches on. He got ever thang planted a cuple uv weakz ago, back yunder on Gud Fridee. That’z when the old folkz alwayz tolt us it wuz OK ta put ever thang out. Ifn ye waited til Gud Fridee, all the cool morninz whut wud come along after that wudn’t be the sort ta do no damage the them thare tender plantz. He got the Englesh Pees, Kabage, unyons, an the like out reel erly, so thay’ve reely come out uf the kinkz since the wetherz gettin warmer. That Earl, he jest luvz ta wach stuff grow, septin weedz. He kan’t stan ta see them grow. He kan spot a weed in hiz garden frum a mile away. We kan pull up in the yard frum a relaxin spin a round the countryside an he’ll bout have a hissy fit. I say, “Earl, whut in the werld’z the mader with yu?” He’ll say, “The weedz is tryin ta take over my garden.” He’ll go hurrin off ta the garden with his hoe and bout 3 airs later he’ll come in the back door jest a whistlin and a grinnin. I’ll say, “Well, yu musta got em jest in the nick uv time.” He’ll say, “Yep, I shore did!” Tu dayz later he’z out thare a hoein and a chopin agen. Sumbudy’z gotta du it, I’m jest glad it ain’t me.
Dear Margie,
My children are very picky eaters. Sometimes it’s a real chore to find something that they’ll eat. I’m just about at my wits end. Did you have that problem when your children were growing up? If so, how did you handle it?
Sugar Britches, I gotta say that’z a big fat NO! Now I kno whut ye mite be a thankin, ye shudn’t make younguns eat whut that don’t lack. Well, I’m all fer that, cuz I ain’t a gonna eat nuthin that I don’t lack and I don’t figer I orta make enybudy else eat sumpthin whut thay don’t lack neether, but ye gotta draw the line sumwhare, and leeve it. As a mammy I knod whut ever wun uv my younguns lacked ta eat and whut they didn’t lack ta eat. I never did make Norma Jean eat green beens, cuz she’d throw up near bout ever time. That wudn’t no fun fer neether wun uv us. I knod beter than tryin ta get Elmer ta even luk at tamaterz cuz he’d brake out in hives ever time. I knod beter than tryin ta get Lula Mae an Marilou ta eat whut thay calt that slimy okree. An I knod beter than tryin ta get Enis ta eat possum stew. Jasper had several thangs he didn’t lack, but I won’t go into all that jest now. Enyhow, this here bein picky jest fer the sake uv bein picky didn’t worsh at the Mountain house. I alwayz made shore ta have a nuff vittles on the table fer all my younguns ta gobble down so’s thay didn’t hafta choke down sumpthin thay jest didn’t lack. Now my boy Jasper I spect I gotta say he’z the pickyest. Least wize he tried ta be. When he’z bout 10 er 11 had this here frend at skool whut wuz a reel picky eater. Hiz gived hiz mammy and pappy fits, an thay’d move heaven and earth ta try ta acomadate that little feller. That wuz their furst mistake. Enyhow, Jasper sided that he’d try hiz luck with that thare thang. He come home frum skool wun day and sayd, “Mammy, whut’z fer supper tanite?’ I sayd, “Well, I don’t kno yet. We’re gonna have sum tho, why du ye ax?” He sayd, “I’z jest a wunderin whut my opshunz are.” The very ider, opshunz. I sayd, “Well, son, this here is yer opshunz, whutever it iz that we have fer supper, yu kan ether eat it er go hongry. That’z yer opshunz.” I’ll jest say, he didn’t go hungry, then er ever.
Dear Margie,
Lately I’ve been hearing a lot how we should accept everyone’s views and get along whether we see things the same way they do or not. Just live and let live. How do you feel about that?
Land Agoshen, Honey Child! I’m glad yu axed. Ever now an agen I heer sumbuby spoutin that thare crap an it jest makez me wanna puke. I’m sorry ta be sa blunt, but yu did ax an now ye dun went ahead on an got me all riled up. Them here “smart” folkz these dayz tryz ta say that thay ain’t no need in balevin in God, he ain’t reel no how. Thay try ta convence everbudy that thay orta turn in all thair gunz, thay’z folkz whut won’t even stand fer the plege uv aleegence ta the flag, an thay want uz all ta have them liberal iderz. Well I got wun thang ta say bout that. I’m the God-fearin, gun-totin, flag-wavin, rip snortin conservative yer mammy warned ye bout, an I’m proud uv it! Ifn enybudy don’t lack it, well that’z jest tu bad. This here’z the land uv the free bacauz uv the brave folkz whut gived their life fitein fer it.
Well, I spect I better skedaddle. Y’all have a good ole Alabamer day and come on back next week, ye heer!